Stop the Teasing

Last year we had Dr. Rene come to our campus and present to staff and parents on "How to Communicate with your Child". Here is the link to her presentation in the CAPA: https://youtu.be/ROKBtqNFmc8

Since her talk with parents we have brought her back several times to work with our teachers and staff members on effective strategies in the classroom. I highly encourage you to check out her homepage and blog posts. Dr. Rene is also available as a consult if you feel that you need some extra assistance in the home (don't we all?!). http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/

I have recently been working with some students on the difference between teasing and joking around. I found Dr. Rene's blog post on the matter to be helpful in creating some of my talking points:

Light-hearted teasing between friends can be fun. It’s often a normal part of what friends do. Then there’s teasing that hurts other’s feelings. It is important to teach your child to avoid hurting other’s feelings, to stop teasing when asked and to speak up if they don’t like being teased. (Dr. Rene covers Social Aggression in her online workshops at http://parentingplaygroups.com/MemberResources/index.php/welcome/.)

Here are a few tips to get you started:

• Make “no,” and “don’t,” and “stop” magic words between children – Part of curbing teasing is encouraging kids to listen to others. We talk about “no” and “don’t” and “stop as magic words. That when you hear a friend say these things, you should really be a listener and consider what they are asking you to do.

• Teach your child how to speak up for themselves – Here is a link to her blog post on teaching kids to have an assertive voice: https://parentingbydrrene.com/2012/10/15/helping-kids-speak-up-for-themselves/.

• Teach emotion language and ways to recognize emotions in others – Here is a link to her blog post on teaching children emotion language: https://parentingbydrrene.com/2013/03/11/ways-to-teach-children-emotion-language/. Focus this often on reading other’s expressions and emotion language. Point out what friends are feeling often.

• Teach empathy – Empathy is a developing trait across the preschool and elementary school years. Part of teaching empathy is emotion language (above) and part is perspective taking. Here is a link to her blog post which includes a bit about teaching perspective taking: https://parentingbydrrene.com/2013/12/31/teaching-empathy/.

• Discipline for teasing that is hurtful – Rather than a “that’s what kids do” approach, I would rather see parents addressing hurtful teasing as they would if their children were being aggressive. Stop the behavior, talk about feelings, give choices for behaviors and consequences for teasing. Actively coach children to move forward in a better way.

Good parenting books include:

• Mom, They’re Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems by Thompson

• Easing the Teasing:Helping Your Child Cope by Freedman

Good children’s books include:

• The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Teasing by Berenstain

• No More Teasing by Clark

• Cool, Calm and Confident: A Workbook to Help Kids Learn Assertive Skills by Schab (older kids)