Stop Spreading Hate

*email sent out to my parents:

I am deeply saddened by the tragic news of the recent terror in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. As an educator and a parent, it is difficult to comprehend such catastrophic events. I myself am a Pennsylvania native, and feel closely connected to the children, families and community members who are so devastated by this loss of innocent lives.

One concern I have felt from our students this week is how the school will keep them safe. My support staff has discussed what to do and/or say if a student raises a concern or has questions about the tragedy. School support and administrative staff have committed to being available and accessible to respond to children's concerns and needs as necessary and appropriate. Furthermore, I am available for students and parents who need a safe place to come and process these horrific events.

I have found multiple links to provide my parents and school personnel with ideas and age-appropriate responses to Saturday’s events.

1. https://www.facinghistory.org

2. https://www.tolerance.org/

3. http://www.nasponline.org/

I recently saw this quote from a fellow counselor in Pittsburgh: Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Sorrow makes us all children again. Destroys all differences. The wisest know nothing.” I am sure that you, like me, are struggling to make sense of the tragedy in Pittsburgh. It is not easy to find words to help our children feel safe and resilient in a world that sometimes seems unpredictable and scary. My only advice is to keep hugging your children, tell them you love them, and let them know that you, as well as their teachers and loved ones, are there to keep them safe.

As a parent, teacher or friend how do I talk to my student/child?

Talk with your child/student and validate their feelings. Let their questions guide what and how much information to provide, be open to opportunities to talk when they are ready, be honest about your own feelings related to violence, and emphasize the positive things that their school (or your home, church or place of peace) is doing to stay safe.

Be patient. Children do not always talk about their feelings readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or laundry. Some children prefer writing, playing music, or doing an art project as an outlet. Young children may need concrete activities (such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play) to help them identify and express their feelings.

Be aware of signs that a student might be in distress; for example, changes in behavior, anxiety, sleep problems, acting out, problems at school or with academic work. Also be conscious of media exposure and what you say about the event. Limit television viewing and be aware if the television is on in common areas.

The following are some suggested key points when talking to your child/student:

· Our school is a safe place. Teachers know what to do when an emergency arises. We work with local police and fire departments, emergency responders, and hospitals to keep you safe.

· There is a difference between reporting, tattling or gossiping. You can provide important information that may prevent harm either directly or anonymously by telling a trusted adult what you know or hear.

· Although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never happen, it is important to understand the difference between the possibility of something happening and probability that it will affect you or our school.

· Senseless violence is hard for everyone to understand. Doing things that you enjoy, sticking to your normal routine and being with friends and family help make us feel better and keep us from worrying about the event.

· Sometimes people do bad things that hurt others. They may be unable to handle their anger or under the influence of illegal drugs or alcohol. Adults (parents, teachers, police officers, doctors, faith leaders) work very hard to get those people help and keep them from hurting others. It is important for all of us to know how to seek help if we feel really upset or angry.

· Violence is never a solution to personal problems. Students can be part of the positive solution by learning conflict mediation skills and seeking help from an adult if they or a classmate is struggling with anger, depression or other emotions they cannot control.